WTF happens in the bathroom, Nigel?

And tonight I had to ask,

WTF  happens in the bathroom, Nigel?

Everything in there is drenched. All the toilet paper is wet, if I leave clothes, towels hairdriers there when I come back to get them they are wet.
Not damp Nigel  WET.  Sit on the dunny and you get rained on.

I cleaned it all up on the weekend wiped all the walls and the ceiling. Lovingly dried it off.

Tonight I go to the toilet and get rained on, again, the toilet paper is wet and I look at the floor and there’s a tiny little river of water, cascading between the tiles and the wall with a few struggling ant boatmen, rafting towards the drain on the sodden shells of cockroaches.
I clean the bathroom up, again cursing. Finally the smell of his burning dinner gets him downstairs. How to deal with this?
I opt for the, I am stupid and you are the cleffa one approach.

Nigel, I said, have you noticed if there is a leak or something when you have a shower…..in the ceiling maybe?

No… nuffin like that. Why?

Oh, it’s just I get rained on in there and the toilet paper is wet, everything is slimy and there is water banked up around the wall.

GUFFAW! Nothing to worry about, it just me I like a sauna and there isn’t one around so I turn the hot water on full and just let it steam up the room. Sauna is good for your skin. He says rocking on his size 994B feet his eyes twinkling with the realisation of his own cleverness.

Oh well, like I told you the other day about the power bill Nigel, blah, blah, expensive blah, hot, etc water, etc and, jeez….  MAAATE everything is fookin drenched.

Yeah, he larfs, even my clothes are soaked when I finish its just condensation, it’s ok. No need to worry. There’s no leak or anyfing like that.

Yeah! Well Nigel here’s the thing mate, I’m tired of having a piss in the rain it’s most fuckin uncomfortable and the FTP is cold and wet on my fanny and it’s pissing me orf.

AW well I suppose I could not have so much steam.
Aw well do you really think so Nigel, because that would be really fucking good if you could manage that mate because I’m sick of being watered like a bloody African Violet.